Let's begin with this thought from Edwin Friedman - "The leader is the one who must recognize the emotional forces at play,
not only in a given company, but in society at large: “Sabotage comes
with the territory of leading, whether in a family or an organization.”
The leader’s “capacity to recognize sabotage for what it is – that is, a
systemic phenomenon connected to the shifting balances in the emotional
processes of a relationship system and not to the institution’s
specific issues, makeup, or goals – is the key to the kingdom.
Contemporary leadership dilemmas have less to do with the specificity of
given problems, the nature of a particular technique, or the makeup of a
given group than with the way everyone is framing the issues.”
Then read further to what I think is his definition of well-differentiated leadership - "one who can “focus first on their own integrity and on the nature of
their own presence rather than through techniques for manipulating or
motivating others. By well-differentiated leader I do not mean an
autocrat…although any leader who defines himself or herself clearly may
be perceived that way by those who are not taking responsibility for
their own emotional being and destiny. Rather, I mean someone who has
clarity about his or her own life goals, and therefore, someone who is
less likely to become lost in the anxious emotional processes swirling
about. I mean someone who can be separate while still remaining
connected, and therefore can maintain a modifying, non-anxious, and
sometimes challenging presence. I mean someone who can manage his or her
own reactivity to the automatic reactivity of others.”
Some more thoughts that enable a leader:
- “A leader needs the capacity not only to accept the solitariness that comes with the territory, but also to come to love it.”
- “in a society so reactive that it cannot choose leaders who might calm its anxiety.”
- “The way out requires shifting our orientation to the way we think
about relationships from one that focuses on techniques that motivate
others to one that focuses on the leader’s own presence and being.”
- this one troubles me - but here are his thoughts - “It has rarely been my experience that being sensitive to others will
enable those others to be more self-aware, that being more understanding
of others causes them to mature, or that appreciating the plight of
others will make them more responsible for their being. Ultimately,
societies, families, and organizations are able to evolve out of a state
of regression not because their leaders ‘feel’ for or ‘understand’
their followers, but because their leaders are able, by their
well-defined presence, to regulate the systemic anxiety in the
relationship system they are leading.”
- “to the extent leaders are successful in their differentiating efforts
in their own family of origin, there is immediate carry-over to their
functioning in the organizations (or families) which they lead.”
Gordon MacDonald adds some more characteristics in what he calls "below the waterline issues."
- 4 qualities of a leader: communicate vision, sensitive to people, immediate assessment sense and keen self knowledge.
- people will trust you only for a short while because of you
college degree, ideas or dreams. Trust will be sustained only due to
wisdom, keeping my word and integrity.
- charm and charisma are like a glider ... they work, but not indefinitely.
- we build trust with consistency, being dependable, being open, hard work, being impartial, longevity and seeking Jesus.
- why Jesus never experienced burnout.
- Psalm 23 is a good job description for a pastor.
- 5 stages of decline: arrogant conceit, undisciplined
pursuit of more, denial of risk & peril, grasping for a silver
bullet solution and becoming irrelevant.
- when you want to quit, do what the Air Force does and take a 72-hour stand down.
My final comment will come from Eugene Peterson - "But our participation in the life of church does not bring us into an
advanced level of gospel living. Faith is life at risk. Love is life at
risk. Worship is life at risk. Familiarity with God and church and
congregation can dull awareness of the stakes involved so that we forget
to put in protection. Each “therefore” is a piton hammered into the
rock to keep us connected to the granite face. Paul is liberal in
supplying us with pitons. We will need every one of them."
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